I know not how to react!
I ever stare and ponder
in silent amazement and pain
The light of thy sacrifice and service
illumines my country and I
Your life breath which was snatched by some
runs from sky to sky
The holy stream of thy blood
broke through all obstacles and rushed on.
My heart longs for thy struggle but,
vainly struggles for a voice.
I would speak
but speech breaks into tears.
Ages shall pass and still you will live on
live on in our hearts,you will.
P.S: With due apologies for having borrowed few phrases for the above from rabindranath tagore.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
If only he knew.....
It had just struck five .Just like no two women in India agreed, so did no two clocks. His biological clock had always been right. He was missing his old place, where the grass was green, where he could see the cloud effortlessly merging into the green at a distance. The new city life or whatever the people who had brought him here called it was not for him. He had been feeling suffocated since he had stepped in.
This too shall pass, he thought. If only he knew.
This would pass too soon for him to even remember, like a dream. It would dissolve in a split of a second even before someone could say Mississippi.
If only he knew.
The sunlight wouldn't reach him for another hour, he reminded himself. He missed the beautiful countryside he grew up in and morosely looked at the quiet surrounding him. In his village it had been differentia girl in tattered clothes would have started tethering them together all the while singing a quite melancholy. The tune resounded in his head. He wanted to be back with his friends .One might argue as to what was so great about being bunched up together. What would these doubting and questioning kinds know anyways was his answer. He wanted to be free, that's what he was sent to this world for. Or that's what he had been thinking all this while.
As suddenly as his head filled with past images of the girl, the grass, the river by the cottage where he and his friends would bleat together till it was time to go back to the shed, he felt a shadow on him. Then, it happened even before he could shout .He seethed in pain. Even before he could react, it was a blood-bath. He tried talking but only a stammer escaped his mouth. With no choice he surrendered meekly and finally succumbed.
Whilst the man had done his job. He rubbed his bloody hand to his kurta and picked up the carcass. He smiled a toothless grin. This would make the best mutton biryani at home, he thought.
This too shall pass, he thought. If only he knew.
This would pass too soon for him to even remember, like a dream. It would dissolve in a split of a second even before someone could say Mississippi.
If only he knew.
The sunlight wouldn't reach him for another hour, he reminded himself. He missed the beautiful countryside he grew up in and morosely looked at the quiet surrounding him. In his village it had been differentia girl in tattered clothes would have started tethering them together all the while singing a quite melancholy. The tune resounded in his head. He wanted to be back with his friends .One might argue as to what was so great about being bunched up together. What would these doubting and questioning kinds know anyways was his answer. He wanted to be free, that's what he was sent to this world for. Or that's what he had been thinking all this while.
As suddenly as his head filled with past images of the girl, the grass, the river by the cottage where he and his friends would bleat together till it was time to go back to the shed, he felt a shadow on him. Then, it happened even before he could shout .He seethed in pain. Even before he could react, it was a blood-bath. He tried talking but only a stammer escaped his mouth. With no choice he surrendered meekly and finally succumbed.
Whilst the man had done his job. He rubbed his bloody hand to his kurta and picked up the carcass. He smiled a toothless grin. This would make the best mutton biryani at home, he thought.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I ran
MY BROKEN KNEE AND ME
(The most hapless I have felt in a long time)
It was not raining, the pouring kinds. It was a heavy drizzle. The weather looked perfect for a quiet day by the window-side, watching the wet world move past while you gossiped with your mom and drank cups after cups of caffeine and munched into crispy hot fritters or anything hot and crispy. I somehow didn't want to do just that. I knew I did not want to just see the world move by, I wanted to be a part of it. The thoughts were too much to take. I quietly motioned to get up from my reclining chair.
"You want anything? Something bothering you?"
“Amma,can we please go out?"
She quietly looked at my face and then my leg. I felt like a whimpering little dog with a broken leg that nobody wanted. I hated sympathy.But, this wasn't S, I knew.
"Car drive? Or a walk? We can't walk, it’s raining and with that leg of yours, I am not sure. Are you sure, priya? Won’t it hurt?"
"Not when you are there with me amma", I wanted to say. But I didn’t. I never said these things.Never.Not to my amma, not to anyone else I loved.No one ever.
I remained quiet and swiftly held the nearest support and stood on my two feet albeit a knee slightly bent. I wanted to tell her that I was as fit as a hum... as fit as, oh it didn't matter. Suddenly, I went weak and fell back on the chair.
"Such an idiot”, I told myself.
My face went red, as red as a hum....yes, a tomato. The mother quietly looked on.
"Ok kanna, whatever you say. But only if you promise you will wear your coat. You can catch a cold, you know"
The whimpering dog was suddenly ecstatic and did a mental dance. In the next fifteen minutes that I took to get into my jeans and my coat, amma was waiting outside.Amma walked in the front as I slowly trudged behind.
"Sit in the back seat, if you are uncomfortable in the front seat. You want to go to your favorite place, no? And BW ku polama?"
"Amma,vendaam.Can we just walk? pleasee?"
"With this knee?Enna paithiyama?"
"Ammmmm....aaaa,please ma..."
"seri,seri.Just today,ok?"
I quietly went and hugged her from the back.We started walking slowly, gentle and cool sprays of rain on our faces. We talked about everything I had missed in the last four months. I spoke in my Marathi only she understood when we felt someone could listen to us. I used my oft ill timed muhanvarey which only she understood. I laughed my bitchiest laugh only she wouldn't take offence to. I asked her secret vattha-kozhambu recipe for the millionth time since I had started cooking. She animatedly explained with the patience only a mom could have. I was listening but I knew I would ask her again the next time. I sniffed the fresh air. It suddenly smelt of her vattha kozhambu.
"Ma,neku iniku vattha kozhambu and keerai mesiyal venum.okay?"
"Seri .Seri"
We walked some more, talked a lot more, enjoyed the weather like never before. The weather and the aura seemed electrifying. I had forgotten my knee.
"Are you ok? Can you walk? Does it hurt? We will again go to the doctor tommorrow.seri aa?"
"Nee sonna seri ma"
"Priya.."
"sollu ma,enna achu?"
"Ice cream venuma?"
"Ice cream aa?Its brrr cold"
"You want,no?"
"If you wish,let's …."
She helped me up the low-lying stairs as I held her hand tight.With her i would never fall,I knew.
"A double scoop butter pecan and a single cup low-fat vanilla please"she ordered.
Amma's knew everything.They really did.
She quietly watched me slurping.She smiled. I watched her watching me. I thought she didn't know just like she thought I didn't know of the mutual glances. I caught hold of her as tight as before and got down the stairs again. I wanted to tell her something. What something? I never knew what to say. Least in such times when I wanted to tell people this somethings.But I wanted to say something, something very strong. I quietly kissed her on her cheeks as light moisture-filled air made their way through my coat as I opened the only closed button. I threw my arms wide open and I ran. My knee didn't hurt. I wondered why.Oh shoot didn't care about my knee anymore. My hair flying in the breeze, took in the air. I looked at amma.The best memories with her rushed past my head. I was numb. I felt pain but not in my knee. It was a sweet pain. I wondered where. And I did what I wanted to do.
I opened my arms wide open and I ran.
I ran....
I ran....
(The most hapless I have felt in a long time)
It was not raining, the pouring kinds. It was a heavy drizzle. The weather looked perfect for a quiet day by the window-side, watching the wet world move past while you gossiped with your mom and drank cups after cups of caffeine and munched into crispy hot fritters or anything hot and crispy. I somehow didn't want to do just that. I knew I did not want to just see the world move by, I wanted to be a part of it. The thoughts were too much to take. I quietly motioned to get up from my reclining chair.
"You want anything? Something bothering you?"
“Amma,can we please go out?"
She quietly looked at my face and then my leg. I felt like a whimpering little dog with a broken leg that nobody wanted. I hated sympathy.But, this wasn't S, I knew.
"Car drive? Or a walk? We can't walk, it’s raining and with that leg of yours, I am not sure. Are you sure, priya? Won’t it hurt?"
"Not when you are there with me amma", I wanted to say. But I didn’t. I never said these things.Never.Not to my amma, not to anyone else I loved.No one ever.
I remained quiet and swiftly held the nearest support and stood on my two feet albeit a knee slightly bent. I wanted to tell her that I was as fit as a hum... as fit as, oh it didn't matter. Suddenly, I went weak and fell back on the chair.
"Such an idiot”, I told myself.
My face went red, as red as a hum....yes, a tomato. The mother quietly looked on.
"Ok kanna, whatever you say. But only if you promise you will wear your coat. You can catch a cold, you know"
The whimpering dog was suddenly ecstatic and did a mental dance. In the next fifteen minutes that I took to get into my jeans and my coat, amma was waiting outside.Amma walked in the front as I slowly trudged behind.
"Sit in the back seat, if you are uncomfortable in the front seat. You want to go to your favorite place, no? And BW ku polama?"
"Amma,vendaam.Can we just walk? pleasee?"
"With this knee?Enna paithiyama?"
"Ammmmm....aaaa,please ma..."
"seri,seri.Just today,ok?"
I quietly went and hugged her from the back.We started walking slowly, gentle and cool sprays of rain on our faces. We talked about everything I had missed in the last four months. I spoke in my Marathi only she understood when we felt someone could listen to us. I used my oft ill timed muhanvarey which only she understood. I laughed my bitchiest laugh only she wouldn't take offence to. I asked her secret vattha-kozhambu recipe for the millionth time since I had started cooking. She animatedly explained with the patience only a mom could have. I was listening but I knew I would ask her again the next time. I sniffed the fresh air. It suddenly smelt of her vattha kozhambu.
"Ma,neku iniku vattha kozhambu and keerai mesiyal venum.okay?"
"Seri .Seri"
We walked some more, talked a lot more, enjoyed the weather like never before. The weather and the aura seemed electrifying. I had forgotten my knee.
"Are you ok? Can you walk? Does it hurt? We will again go to the doctor tommorrow.seri aa?"
"Nee sonna seri ma"
"Priya.."
"sollu ma,enna achu?"
"Ice cream venuma?"
"Ice cream aa?Its brrr cold"
"You want,no?"
"If you wish,let's …."
She helped me up the low-lying stairs as I held her hand tight.With her i would never fall,I knew.
"A double scoop butter pecan and a single cup low-fat vanilla please"she ordered.
Amma's knew everything.They really did.
She quietly watched me slurping.She smiled. I watched her watching me. I thought she didn't know just like she thought I didn't know of the mutual glances. I caught hold of her as tight as before and got down the stairs again. I wanted to tell her something. What something? I never knew what to say. Least in such times when I wanted to tell people this somethings.But I wanted to say something, something very strong. I quietly kissed her on her cheeks as light moisture-filled air made their way through my coat as I opened the only closed button. I threw my arms wide open and I ran. My knee didn't hurt. I wondered why.Oh shoot didn't care about my knee anymore. My hair flying in the breeze, took in the air. I looked at amma.The best memories with her rushed past my head. I was numb. I felt pain but not in my knee. It was a sweet pain. I wondered where. And I did what I wanted to do.
I opened my arms wide open and I ran.
I ran....
I ran....
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